Gil Harper
Valentine’s Day fever is upon us – and the shops are full of red and white promotions. It’s a day to celebrate love, and honour and appreciate those we love.
As we scroll through our social media feeds on Valentine’s Day, we’re bombarded with heartwarming displays of love. But amidst the roses, chocolates, and sweet nothings, a darker reality lurks. Behind the façade of romance, a sinister force is at play: gender-based violence (GBV).
While the media spotlight shines on high-profile incidents (think model Reeva Steenkamp murdered by boyfriend Oscar Pistorius on Valentine’s Day), the everyday struggles of women and non-binary individuals who suffer in silence go unreported. The majority of GBV cases, perpetrated by intimate partners, remain hidden from public view.
The Unseen Truth
In the midst of love and celebration, GBV continues to thrive. The statistics are stark: one in four women experience intimate partner violence, and the consequences can be devastating. Yet, these incidents often go unreported, leaving the full extent of the problem shrouded in secrecy. It is important to note than men can experience the brunt of domestic violence as well, sometimes because they are unemployed or socially ‘weaker’ than their partners, eg their status in the extended family or community.
As a faith leader, you are probably often called on to counsel in relationships or families where there are problems. Visiting members of your faith community may also be part of your duties. It is at such times that it can be helpful to know the signs of an abusive relationship or the symptoms exhibited by someone who is in an abusive relationship.
GBV encompasses a wide array of abuses rooted in power imbalances and societal norms regarding gender. This violence doesn’t just happen in a void; it is a pervasive issue that disproportionately affects women and can manifest in various forms, from emotional and psychological manipulation to physical and sexual assault.
Intimate partner violence
Among the different categories of GBV, intimate partner violence stands out as a particularly insidious threat. It refers to abuse that occurs within a romantic relationship, causing emotional, physical, or sexual harm to one or both partners. Alarmingly, statistics reveal that one in four women have experienced some form of abuse in their lifetime. The implications of such violence extend beyond individual suffering. The impact of IPV on children and other family members can last over several generations. It also poses significant public health challenges, including an increased risk of HIV transmission among victims and communities.
In South Africa, the situation is especially dire, with women being killed by intimate partners at rates five times the global average, and with unimaginable levels of brutality. Those in lower-income communities often report even higher instances of such violence, where limited economic opportunities and deep-rooted inequalities exacerbate the vulnerabilities faced by women and children. These conditions create a perilous environment where the dual threats of HIV and intimate partner violence can flourish, leaving countless women trapped in a cycle of fear, abuse and long-term mental health challenges.
Mental health and fatherhood
The State of South Africa’s Fathers 2024 report released two weeks ago looks at mental health and fatherhood. It exposes that research indicates that many men are hesitant to seek mental health care, even when it could be beneficial, due to societal beliefs about masculinity, such as the notion that men should always appear strong. Expectations to exhibit toughness and be the primary provider often lead to feelings of shame when it comes to seeking help for mental health issues. The report highlights further that during the perinatal and postnatal periods, fathers face heightened levels of anxiety and depression. In response to these challenging situations, some fathers resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms and destructive behaviors. Common negative behaviours include alcohol abuse and aggression toward family members. Additionally, according to the report, studies have shown that depression rates among fathers are twice as high as those of their peers without children in the same age group.
Signs of abuse
The signs of abuse can be subtle at first, laying a deceptive groundwork that escalates over time. These behaviours can range from seemingly harmless checks on a partner’s whereabouts to highly controlling demands for immediate communication through texts, calls, or emails. On the severe end of the spectrum, threats or acts of physical violence may occur, creating an atmosphere of constant fear, and if ignored, this can escalate to brutal loss of life.
Be a safe space
Often, it’s friends, family, or neighbours who notice the signs of abuse before the survivor does themselves, highlighting the often invisible nature of such struggles.
By being aware of signs of domestic violence and providing compassionate support, faith leaders can play a vital role in effectively responding to domestic abuse. But it is only possible if you are willing to be a safe space. Believe the person who is sharing what is extremely difficult and risky to talk about. Suspend judgement, be sensitive and above all, listen and refer to professional service providers as needed. Create a list of local service providers you can refer them to for additional support. But do not just send them – accompany them, ensure they are in safe hands and reassure them that you will continue to be there to support them on the long and arduous journey towards healing and justice.
For guidelines on what faith leaders can do in cases of domestic violence: https://interfaithendgbv.org.za/quick-guides-for-faith-leaders-to-deal-with-gbv/